The haunt of my dreams

I used to have this friend. I would be there for her when things go wrong. Or tell her that everything will be OK, and that i'll take care of everything for her. She's the one i look forward to meeting everyday. She and I would have great conversations. Ones that are just sweet, bitter when u try to remember them. She was one heckova friend, for whatever i did for her, she did back for me. She just fit in when I needed a friend badly, and thats probably why I was so... consumed.. I can't really express my thanks for all she's done. The only way i could thank her is by continueing to be there for her, you know, to be her friend - but shit happened.

Now i'll never get to say thanks, or sorry, or even hello and a goodbye. I'll never get to tell her the things i hid from her, when she was just trying to get me to tell her. Thats the one thing I ever regretted, not doing what I was supposed to do. And thats probably the one thing i'll never learn - or will i? I've been slipping by that same mistake for so long now, and its the same one all the time. How long does it take to knock myself in my stupid head?

I need to learn from my mistakes. I suppose, we all have our regrets. Mistakes that we did. Things we just wished we didn't do. Moments when we say 'now why did i do that for?'. But there ain't a thing we can do to correct the present. We can just search back in our past, find ourselves there, and then fix it so that we continue to be better people in the future. Well, its hard. No one said it would be easy, and i just wish i had a friend to guide me along the way. The friend i lost.

But now i see, that if i don't do anything about it soon, i'll be losing all my friends. And soon i'll be all alone. Its time to get up. Friend or without friend.

One Honest Mistake

Really now, all you ever need is to make one honest mistake in life, and your whole life changes. Of course, there is forgiveness, and people forgive you. And then there is the stupid head of yours that continues to make mistakes. And you're so blind, you don't notice it. You keep making the same mistakes.

One day however, you realise your mistakes. So you try to control them. 'OK, the next time i do this, i WON'T make the same mistake', and so you try. And you manage to hang on much longer before you make the same mistake again. But a person should never give up when knocked down on his knees. 'So i'll try again, and i'll try not to make the same mistake'. And you try, and try and try, and each time you do, you get further and further to NOT making the mistake.

One day, it worked. You didn't make that mistake. You suceeded. But what does the world look at you now? No, they don't say 'congrats!' or 'Good job on all the tries you made, it finnaly worked'. No, your whole life has changed. Nobody believes you no more. Even though you tried so hard, it don't matter any longer. Instead they take things wrongly. Now you are hated. Someone that people want to avoid.

At this point, you don't know what to do. You can't tell anybody, what for? For fucks? Nobody believes you. My friends, if any of you feel the same way as i do, pitch in and sit in the same boat.

-From a depressed mind at hand-
-dudu-

The music that best describes my mood is..

Different moods in different situations make you want to listen to different kinds of music. Ever heard of Michael Bolton - Only A Woman Like You? Its brilliant, somethin i would listen to right now..

It's beautiful, your honesty
You cry when you need to
say what you feel
You're never afraid to wear your heart on your sleeve
You're always so open with me

It's in your voice, I can hear it
The sound of a woman in love

Only a woman can love you so much
Give you her life and give you her trust
Not any woman can do what you do
Only a woman like you

It's magical, your love for me
It's more than a man could ever receive
I'm just a man and it's hard to believe
A woman like you could love me

It' in your eyes, I can see it
The look of a woman in love

Only a woman can love you so much
Give you her life and give you her trust
Not any woman can do what you do
Only a woman like you

If only I could find the words to say
But I just can't, so forgive me
Cause you took the words away
You answered every prayer I always prayed

It's in your touch, I can feel it
The feeling of a woman in love

Only a woman can love you so much
Give you her life and give you her trust
Not any woman can do what you do
Only a woman like you

Only a woman can love you so much
Give you her life and give you her trust
Not any woman can do what you do
Only a woman like you

-dudu-

Torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn

-natalie imbruglia - torn-

Haven't been posting for a heckova long time, and looking at how things are going, it might take quite some time more before my next post. None of the situations i am in are inspiring me to write anything. Sorry to my regular readers. I'll update when things get better. Until then, take care o' yourselves. God bless.

-dudu-

The Freedom Of A Bird

Today, when i was in my dad's car on the way back from school, i saw a bird in the sky. I was bored, so my eyes followed the bird, just to see where it would go. Then i realised, its impossible to track a bird. It flies freely wherever it wants to. It does whatever it wants to. There isn't anything holding that thing back. The sky is the limit for what it can do. Damn, don't you just wish you could escape this crazy life and go free?

I mean, imagine if you were a bird. Your life would be so simple. Theoratically, your job is to 1) eat to survive. 2) find a partner to nest with. 3) build a nest. 4) fly around. You wouldn't have to go to school, or study, or do homework. Birds dont need education to survive. Even humans, at one point, didn't need education to survive.

Lets take the word survive. The defination of surive would be : to live. What do you need to live? Generally, when the human race began, all you needed to live was food, water, and air. Now, in the year 2006, you need to study at least 15 years to obtain a certificate of education to get a job SO that you can BUY food, water and air. While studying that 15 years, you live under the care of your parents, which, aren't perfect, causes all sorts of problems. Then you get a good job that pays you 10,000 bucks a month. Now you work long into the night. You ain't got time for your lover, nor your family. Hell you ain't even got time to find for food, water and air. Now compare that with the life of a bird. The survival of a bird hasn't really changed yet. They've been doing the same thing since a long time ago, well, generally thinking.

Ok, so enough about all that. My point is, humans should live their life to the fullest. We should just do what we want to do. Don't let anything hold you back. If i had to choose between something you WANT to do and something you HAVE to do. I'd do what i wanna do. Imagine if you died next week. Just, think about that. Now think about your life that you lived so far. Was it well worth it? Anything can happen anytime, you'll never know when a crazy truck driver might ram into your car one day. And thats it, you don't get to taste the fine taste of food, you don't get to spend no more time with your lover, you don't get to do anything at all, not even sit to talk to a friend or watch tv.

So if you want to eat pork, eat. Even if you die from high blood pressure one day, at least u died eating yummy pork. If you love this person but can't express your feelings, then spend as much time with him/her as possible. Friends help you through your day, everyday, without even noticing it. Have you thought about them? Live your life like a bird, free with as little restrictions as possible. Its up to you on how you live your life.

Yet another piece of my mind,
-dudu-

My Mind Is Empty

There are times where the human brain has nothing to think about. Its just idle. You generate no ideas. You try hard to think, but all that comes up are just rubbish and nonsense. This is a situation i am experiencing right now. And as my blog title reads : Pieces of My Mind, I can't really blog, because i have nothing on my mind. Nonetheless, i have to update.

I find this moment very very stressful. It's really annoying. Have you ever experienced a moment where you can't think at all during an examination? Its like you've studied for this huge test, and when you sit for it, you see this familiar question, you know you've read that before, but it just ain't comin up. Your brain just refuses to lock on gear and start thinking.

This 'illness' lasts temporarilly, however. So no permanent harm. I think it comes from stress. When i get stressed about something, my mind just shuts off. It also happens when i get an adrenaline rush, like when im really really pissed. You can't think of anything 'good'. (well in the sense you can only think of punching the idiot that pissed you off)

I think that humans like to blame one another. Its our nature. Have you ever been in a tense situation before where you want to get out of it so badly, you'd just go, 'It wasn't me, it was him, thats it, screw him, not me'. Sounds familiar eh? Well think about the person who's eating the blame. Lately i've been blamed for a hell lot of shit. And honestly, it isn't my fault. And hey, i don't want to point the blame back at anybody else, i know how it feels to be blamed, (whether or not it was something you did or did not do) BUT WHY?!?!?!

Putting the blame on someone is just human nature. Heck even i do it without me noticing it sometimes. You get a nice feeling after you blamed someone. Its like you just got a load of trouble off your shoulders. Pity the person that took the blame though. I bet he's in a whole lot of shit now.
What do you think?

Im just telling you whats on my mind. Im not in the right condition to post. Lately i've had troubling things in my mind. Will post when things get better for me. Until then, that's whats up in my mind.

-dudu-